Frustration

Currently not in one of the best moods. I am at the breaking point with New York and the people that make me feel like I truly came home for all of the wrong reasons. I would like to know why it seems to be so hard to get the help that one needs in this world. Are people that greedy? Are they all so evil that you have to fight just to get ahead? I really have no clue what it will take to ensure that all people get to finally have the same opportunities and that no one gets left behind that we as a people can succeed together. I feel like sometimes giving up because it seems like I will never have a moments peace. I will never get to relax. I will always be fighting for my spot. I guess that's why I always enjoyed physically fighting or verbally fighting because everything is always about proving oneself. About being strong mentally and physically. Not much is taught about emotional strength and having strong character. I am not keen on quitting but sometimes I do have to think about stopping while I am ahead. But I know I will never give up. I will do what I can with what little I have before I ever give up; I just wonder when I will get to finally relax and not have to be so frustrated and angry. God is always listening and watching, at times the burden is heavy. I have no clue what is next for me but I do hope that it can get a lil easier to bear. I am definitely in over my head with the cloudy drama and issues that I am having. I also noticed that the more I say the less help I ever receive. The less I say the more worried people become, the more people miss you, the more they yearn for your attention because they are no longer getting it. I never thought that trying to be healthy would turn out to be so unhealthy. I am really not understanding the correlation between trying your hardest to communicate and fix ones issues and problems they have with others and why the better you become it seems the worse everything is around you. All I can do is keep praying I guess.