Changing Everything.

Over the past few months I have been analyzing myself and what I do. Who I want to be and who I am currently. I changed many of the old habits that I have and am creating new ones. I have always wanted to be better inside and out and I am transitioning myself to were I can make that possible. I began starting by doing lots of new things like moving hours away from home to a city and state I had never been to and knew virtually no one where I was. I got there and begun to try and change how I communicate my feelings and socialize with others trying to change the cons and turn them into pros. I had decided that I was no longer going to let my fears consume me. At least the ones that had seemed very silly or that were going to hold me back from being more successful in the long run. People that are very successful take risks; and I know that I cannot be as powerful as I would like to be if I do not take risks. If I am afraid to always make a mistake I will never learn. I may not always have made the best decisions but I have always learned a valuable lesson then never having learned anything at all. I do appreciate all of the stories that I can tell, and lessons that I can share with others. I am on a journey now to get over some of the fears that I have about living to my best potential out of fear that others will not like my transformation or will not understand what it is I am trying to do. I have learned that growing up lots of people never understood me anyway, they never communicated well enough with me to understand where I was coming from and what message I was trying to convey. I had always fought to be liked, to be well respected, to speak and be heard. The only times I was ever truly heard was when I was loud, obnoxious, angry, hurt. Which only further proves that change is something that I have to want for me. I cannot make everyone happy and by making myself miserable to save face in order to be liked and admired will only continue to make me unhappy. I am creating a thick skin, but a better surface for judgement, ridicule, critique, bias. In order to get my life where I want it, my health where I need it, my emotions in control it took me a lot of soul searching and asking myself what it was I wanted and how I was going to get there. I have gotten this far through self esteem, through love and support of my loved one, by keeping people that only wanted to tear me down at bay and far, far away from me. I am growing, I am changing I am becoming the woman that I want to be, and that changes Everything.